And Her Hair All Done Up In Curls
by GraphXButterfly
Summary: A Baby, nightmares, bad memmories, what more could you ask for? The Inncreadable, Exciting, ok ok maybe not exciting, more like cry you eyes out mushy Ending! and I left room for a sequle shifty eyes
1. The Dream

And Her Hair All Done Up In Curls

Prolog

The Dream

Rating G: so far

Summery: Kathryn is being plagued by a series of nightmares. What could they be about?

Disclaimer: All is owned by paramount, unless never mentioned one the show. I have just decided that I could take the voyager crew (Kathryn and Chakotay) where paramount would never have. I am not making any money, just doing it 'cuse I wanna.

"_Hush little baby don't say a word, Momma's goanna bye you a mocking bird. And if that Mocking bird don't sing Mommas goanna bye you a…"_

The sound drifted through her memory and hung like a phantom. Kathryn jolted up in bed, the memories from her dream colliding with her now conscious mind. She slowly climbed out of her bed still shaking from her dream. It had happened so long ago, it seemed, yet she was still plagued with the memories and the dreams, the dreams that would never leave her. It had been almost three years since she had, had the last one, or at least it had been until four weeks ago. Kathryn glanced around her empty quarters, she sighed, ran her hands over her face then slowly walked into her bathroom. "Computer time?"

"The time is 0300 hours," came the computers stale undeviating voice. Kathryn took a good long look at her-self in the mirror, "Well Kathryn," she told her reflection, "Today is going to be a long day."


	2. An Unexpected Guest

And Her Hair All Done Up In Curls

Chapter 1  
An Unexpected Guest

Rating G: so far

Summery: Kathryn is being plagued by a series of nightmares. What could they be about?

Disclaimer: All is owned by paramount, unless never mentioned one the show. I have just decided that I could take the voyager crew (Kathryn and Chakotay) where paramount would never have. I am not making any money, just doing it 'cuse I wanna.   
**Four weeks earlier**

The sound of birds singing danced through the air. A river rushed in the background. Kathryn sat perched on a large rock reading. Voyager had found a small-uninhabited M Class planet, and Kathryn decided that the crew could use a little R and R. The planet was rich in wildlife, flora and fauna. It also had a large resource of minerals; in which voyager was in desperate need of.

Kathryn ordered that away teams start collecting foodstuffs as well as the minerals. She promised her crew that every one would have a chance to go down to the surface for some R and R. She herself wanted to but decided that the crew came first. She put Chakotay in charge of the shift rotations, with direct orders not to put her on the schedule. She knew that he wouldn't listen.

She now sat enjoying the sunshine and fresh air. She was happy that he did not listen to her. It had been a long time since she had had a chance to go down to the surface of a planet for more then just work. A sound caught her attention; it was a faint whimpering coming from under a bush. She slowly got up, her curiosity overwhelming her. She slowly pulled back the smaller edge of the bush to reveal, a tiny baby! Kathryn gasped. She immediately drew her tricorder out of her pocket, She scanned the area for any other life forms, there were non, however she picked up the lingering signs of a transporter beam. She hit her combadge immediately, "Janeway to voyager, are you detecting any ships other then our shuttles in the area?"

"No, Captain," Tom's voice radiated through the cool planets air. "Why?"

"It appears that an infant has be transported to the surface."

"A baby?" Came Tom's shocked voice.

"Yes," Kathryn scanned the infant once again. "And it appears to be only a few days old." Kathryn regarded the small alien. It was adorable, soft blue eyes, curly carrot hair, with a small ridge emanating from her for head running the length of her petite nose. A brown object caught Kathryn's eye, it lay just left of the newborn. Kathryn picked up the object, it was a small data padd, and it had foreign writing on it. "It looks like who ever beamed the baby down here has left us a note."

"Captain?" Tom questioned

"Tom have transporter room one lock on to my combadge and my life signs, and beam us directly to sickbay." Kathryn removed her combadge and placed it on the infant's blanket, she scooped up the little bundle into her arms gently, making comforting sounds to her surprise guest. Kathryn felt the familiar tingle and rush of disorientation of transport. She was then in sickbay. At the sound of the transporter beam the doctor came out of his office.

The doctor stated "Captain?" at the sight of Kathryn holding the baby. He walked over to her with his tricorder, and a questioning look.

Noting the doctor's question Kathryn remarked "She was beamed down next to me, on the planet. There was this padd laying next to her. She doesn't appear to be in to good of shape, and from my scans she seems to be only days old."

The doctor motioned for Kathryn to place the infant on the bio bed next to her. She set the quivering bundle on the center of the bio bed. The doctor proceeded to scan her. Kathryn then removed her combadge from the blanket and summoned B'Elanna to come to sickbay. When B'Elanna entered sickbay she was taken aback. "Captain?" she looked at her commanding officer. Kathryn restated what she had told the doctor just moments before but added, "I need you to see if you can decipher this," she handed her the padd."

"All right Captain, I'll get a team working on it right away."

"Thank you B'Elanna," Kathryn smiled. Before B'Elanna walked out of sickbay, she smiled and tickled the little one under the chin, B'Elanna was rewarded when the baby wiggled her arms and tucked her chin. The doctor smiled as B'Elanna left to discover the infant's origins. "Doctor?" Kathryn asked

"Yes"

"What would possess any one to give up something so beautiful?" Kathryn regarded the bundle, intently. She was beautiful; one of the most beautiful infants she had ever seen except for maybe, the thought went as quickly as it came, because of the memories that she did not want to relive. Kathryn gently stroked the baby's cheek; she smiled when the infant turned her head in the direction of her finger. Before Kathryn could remove her hand the baby opened her mouth and enclosed her fingers. Both the doctor and Kathryn laughed. "I guess she's hungry." Kathryn stated.

"I'll replicate an appropriate supplement for her, and captain the answer to your question is I don't know." Kathryn nodded to the doctor as he disappeared into his office, only to reappear moments later with a bottle. "Captain, if you would do the honors." He held up the bottle to her, she took it then gently picked up the baby. She sat her-self on the bio-bed with her back to the door. She placed the nipple of the bottle to the baby's mouth. The doctor continued his scans of her as Kathryn fed her. He smiled, it seemed that taking care of children came naturally to his captain, all though she had never had any.

Chakotay walked on the bridge in a very good mood. He had just come from the mess hall after having lunch with Harry. It had been a while since he had had a chance to spend any time with his young friend. Chakotay took his seat and asked if the captain had returned to the ship yet. Tom informed him that she had beamed directly to sickbay but forgot to disclose the information as to why. Chakotay jumped up and headed off to sickbay, leaving Tom in charge of the bridge. Why hadn't he been told that Kathryn was in sickbay? As the first officer he should have been the first to know. Chakotay hurried down the corridor as soon as the turbo lift stopped. He was in sickbay just seconds later.

When Chakotay walked in he could see Kathryn turned away from the door, the doctor intently scanning her. Chakotay's heart jumped into his throat. He quickly moved over to her "Kathryn what hap..." his words were cut short when he noticed that the doctor was not scanning her but an infant in which Kathryn was feeding. He did a double take "where" was the only word he could muster. Once again Kathryn explained how she ended up with the baby.

"You know Chakotay, I should probably make a ship wide announcement, that's the forth time I have had to explain it."

Chakotay smirked; he could tell that she was joking around with him. The crooked smile that she wore gave her away; he knew that she was most likely enjoying the story telling. "So do we know where she came from?" he inquired.

"No, but B'Elanna is working on translating the padd that was next to her." Kathryn looked down at the child; the bottle that she held was nearly empty. After a few more swallows the baby finished it. No sooner did the contents of the bottle vanish did a wail radiate throughout sickbay. Kathryn set the bottle down on the bio-bed next to her, she lifted the screaming child up and pressed her to her shoulder, gently stroking and patting her back. A small burp emanated from the baby. Kathryn returned her to her original position where, now contented she fell asleep.

The doctor completed his scans then vanished into his office once more leaving Kathryn holding the now sleeping child, and Chakotay watching her closely. Chakotay chuckled a little, at the picture before him.

"What is it," Kathryn whispered, trying not to wake the newborn.

"It's nothing, just child care really agrees with you." Chakotay stated inadvertently striking a nerve. Kathryn's face-hardened and fell. She quickly turned her head down toward the baby so Chakotay could not see the emotions cross her face. Unfortunately she turned to late "Kathryn what is it?" Chakotay asked, He was now concerned and wondering what could have made her mood change so quickly. He snaked his arm around her back in a protective manner.

Kathryn shrugged it off, "Nothing's wrong Chakotay," She glanced up at him and smiled weekly, but her eyes betrayed her. Chakotay was going to push her a little more to find out what was bothering her but the doctor came out of his office. He informed the captain that the baby was healthy, despite the fact that she was dehydrated and mal-nourished, Kathryn smiled knowing that the baby wasn't ill now all they needed to know was where she came from, and what they were going to do with her. After a few more minuets of holding the child the doctor brought out an incubator. Kathryn placed the baby into it. She eyed Chakotay keenly before stating evenly not showing the mixed emotions that came with their unexpected guest to him, "We need to figure out what were going to do with her, and she'll need a name."

"Yeah, we will, someone will have to take care of her."

"Tomorrow, I'll can a staff meeting will figure out what to do with her then." She looked toward the incubator; she had already started to fall in love with the small child. She glanced toward Chakotay who seemed to mirror her own thoughts toward the baby. The chime then sounded and brought the command team back to their senses.

"B'Elanna to Captain Janeway," 

"Yes, B'Elanna,"

"_I have translated the data padd and you'd better get down here."_

She shoot a glance toward Chakotay. "I'm on my way B'Elanna," she stated before turning and leaving sickbay on her way toward Engineering. Chakotay stole on last look at the little red headed baby before fowling Kathryn out the door.


	3. What?

And Her Hair All Done Up In Curls

Chapter 2  
What?

Rating G: so far

Summery: Kathryn is being plagued by a series of nightmares. What could they be about?

Disclaimer: All is owned by paramount, unless never mentioned one the show. I have just decided that I could take the voyager crew (Kathryn and Chakotay) where paramount would never have. I am not making any money, just doing it 'cuse I wanna. 

Kathryn walked down the corridor at a hurried pace, B'Elanna had just contacted her with an urgent request for her to come to Engineering. She had sent B'Elanna to translate a data padd that she had discovered just hours before, the data padd, she was sure, would explain the origins of a small infant that had been beamed down next to her, as she was reading down on the M class planet that voyager had discovered. B'Elanna's call had alarmed her a bit. She had sounded a bit nervous over the Comm. Kathryn halted as she came to the turbo lift. She pressed the button to summon it. Chakotay caught up with her, he had heard the request and decided that he would accompany her to Engineering. He also wanted to find out what had made Kathryn upset earlier. He had made a comment about her and childcare, her mood had change abruptly, he would have pushed the issues further but the doctor interrupted them. "Kathryn" Chakotay said. She jumped slightly, not realizing that he had fallowed her.

She turned slightly to look at him "Yes, Chakotay" she said evenly. She looked at him and knew exactly why he had fallowed her. "And before you say any thing, I don't want to talk about it."

"Kathryn?" He questioned, "What made you think that I wanted to talk about something? Unless there _is_ something on your mind?" He responded to her remark, he hadn't thought that she had figured out that he wanted to talk about what happened in sickbay, but never underestimate Kathryn's perceptiveness.

"Chakotay don't play dumb, you know as well as I do that you wanted to talk about earlier, and I all ready told you I don't want to talk about it. It is a subject that I don't want to broach." The doors to the lift opened. Kathryn ducked inside, hoping that Chakotay wouldn't fallow her in. Unfortunately it was an implausible event. Leaning on the back of the lift Kathryn called out for it to take them to Engineering. Chakotay watched Kathryn, she seemed to be much more defensive then normal, and her eyes were wary.

"Kathryn," Chakotay stated.

She glanced in his direction, her face set, "yes"

"Why don't you want to talk, there is obviously something bothering you, and perhaps it would help if you talked to someone about it." He regarded her intensely, his eyes searching her face for any sign of what was bothering her. He knew that it had to do with the baby that was now laying in sickbay, but he had no idea of what the connection was.

"Chakotay," she stated more harshly then she had intended, "I already said that I didn't want to talk about it, can't you ever leave well enough alone." She was now starting to become upset. She didn't want to talk; bittersweet memories had already begun to hunt her mind. Her words priced tough Chakotay, his face faltered a little, Kathryn noticed, "I'm sorry Chakotay, It's just I'd rather not talk right now, I didn't mean to sound so, you know" His face softened once more, he decide that trying to push for more information would only lead to more tension.

"It's ok Kathryn, and I'll drop the subject" he said. He reached out and took her hand squeezing it a soundless invitation for her to come and talk to him if she needed to. Kathryn smiled at him, her eyes still showing the hunted look from before. The doors then swashed open; the command team took one last glance at each other before commencing their journey to engineering.

When Kathryn and Chakotay walked into engineering, they saw B'Elanna leaning over a console. "B'Elanna?" Kathryn inquired. "You have translated the padd?"

"Yes, Captain," B'Elanna, stated quickly. "And I believe that it is addressed to you."

"To me?" Kathryn said flustered.

"Yes, see." B'Elanna handed her one of their own data padds that contained the translated version of the alien padd. The padd read.

_To the captain of Voyager,_

_I have been fallowing your ship for sometime now, and in my present condition was determining weather or not I could let the child that I have carried go to you. It is not common for my culture to give their infants away but the fact that I will be unable to care for it has lead me on a desperate search. Normally if a woman in my species cannot care for a child it would go to her parent's but in my case that could never happen. I have been alone on my vessel now for about ten days; a terrible plague has swept through the ship, and it is only a matter of time before I die, and then my child would to. I have done some research on the virus that we have contracted, luckily the virus only affects adults; so she is safe. I can assure you that my child will not harm your crew, I made sure before I beamed her down next to you that she was not a carrier. I beg of you to take care of her this is my last request. You and your crew seem to be very honorable and loving people and I know that you will give her a good home._

Kathryn's eyes widened, she looked up at Chakotay, then to B'Elanna. Kathryn now understood why B'Elanna sounded the way she did over the comm. It was a very precise letter, addressed directly to her. She was being asked to take the child, Emotions crossed her face, memories form the past flooded her mind. She couldn't handle this, not this. She felt herself grow week. "Thank you B'Elanna" she managed "Now if you will excuse me I must," she was almost panicking her hart was racing, she felt her self losing cohesion, "I must go over this, I will call a staff meeting tomorrow to discuss this" she swallowed "letter." With that she was gone. Leaving Chakotay and B'Elanna staring vacantly in her wake.

Kathryn all but ran to her quarters. Once inside the world crumbled, she fell to the ground tears racking through her body. Her mind kept screaming, this isn't happening, not again. NO! Over and over. She had no idea what she was going to do. And now she knew that there were going to be questions to be answered from Chakotay. After what seemed like hours Kathryn's mind cleared, she willed herself to calm down. She told her self, this is different, It's a different situation, different place. She slowly calmed down and regained her senses. Kathryn picked herself up off the floor. She reread the letter; unfortunately it left no room for doubt. The women who had beamed the infant down wanted _her _to take her. She wrote down some notes for the staff meeting tomorrow, then slowly went into her bedroom, she shade her sundress that she had downed that morning, and pulled her nightgown over her body. She climbed into bed and slowly drifted off to sleep. That night the dreams came again.

"_Watch me, Watch me" came a tiny voice, "Did you see, did you see me, I did it."_

"_That's wonderful," Came a reply to the small voice. "But it's time to go,"_

"_Do we have to?" the tiny voice cried_

"_Yes, you know that gam'ma doesn't like it when we are late."_

"_Ok, just one last time around the Ice?"_

"_Ok, one last time."_


	4. Of All The Things To Decide

And Her Hair All Done Up In Curls

Chapter 3  
Of All The Things To Decide

Rating G: so far

Summery: Kathryn is being plagued by a series of nightmares. What could they be about?

Disclaimer: All is owned by paramount, unless never mentioned on the show. I have just decided that I could take the voyager crew (Kathryn and Chakotay) where paramount would never have. I am not making any money, just doing it 'cuse I wanna.

Kathryn awoke distressed, her heart pounding, a thin layer of sweat covering her body. She pulled herself into an upright position bringing her knees to her chest, she wrapped her arms around her legs and placed her head into the valley it created. She took several deep breaths in and attempted to calm herself willing her heart to stop racing. Her dream, no her memories, zipped around her mind. How could she do this again? How could she open her heart to this child, after? Her body shuddered as a soundless sob coursed through her. She sat in that position for several minuets trying to compose her-self. After what seemed like ages her crying ceased, her mind then took over. "Computer time," she called out her voice raspy from the crying.

"The time is 0100 hours."

'It's only 1:00' Kathryn thought. She knew that she must try to get more sleep, she had to be up early for the staff meeting that she had called, but she wasn't sure if she would be able to, not if the dreams kept coming. She pulled herself out of her bed, her legs shaking. She crossed the distance from her bed to her replicator. She ordered a small glass of milk, hoping that it might help. She then made her way back to her bed. She sank down into her pillows and soon drifted off to sleep once more.

"Hey young lady," a voice called out through the white wispy air. " We have to be getting back now, and you have had your last go around. Besides looks like a storm is coming in."

"_Ok," a small voice replied. Crystal blue eyes gazed up at a young auburn haired woman, from under an over sized hood. "Tomorrow can we bring Gam'ma, skating with us?"_

"_Of course we can, only if she wants to though." The women stated. She reached her had out to the young child, clasping hands the two of them strolled off into the snowy distance together. _

"The time is 0500 hours" the voice of the computer intruded into Kathryn's sleeping mind to Kathryn's gratefulness. She knew the dream would return, but at least she managed to get more sleep. She pulled herself out of her bed for the second time that night. Running her hands over her face she sighed, praying that the dreams would not hunt her further. She remembered shortly after young Naomi Wildman was born, she was hunted by the same memories. The sleepless nights had lasted about two months, Kathryn hope that this would not be a repeat, but in her heart she knew that it would almost certainly be worse. Kathryn slowly made her way into her bathroom, looking in the mirror she sighed once more, she looked awful, large circles were present under her eyes, and her face appeared slightly ashen. She decided that a hot, real water, shower would help. She striped off her night gowned and climbed into the shower cubical, ordering the computer to start it.

After her shower Kathryn felt better, she was now fully awake, and more capable of handling her emotions. She hurried and put her uniform on and went to sickbay, to check on the infant that had come into her life just the day before.

When Kathryn entered sickbay she saw that Doctor holding the small child. He was singing softly to her, and rocking her gently. Kathryn beamed, it was quite a picture, she had never thought that the doctor could look so caring. Kathryn strolled over to the doctor. "How's she doing?" she asked gently, noting that the baby was nearly asleep.

"She's doing just fine," the doctor whispered, stilling a glance at the child. "Captain?"

"Yes, doctor?"

"What did the data padd that you found next to her say?"

Kathryn looked him straight in the eye, a feeling of panic rising in her, she took a deep breath calming it before saying "I'm to take the baby, it was a letter addressed to me to from her mother. Apparently her entire family died, form a virus. Her mom was the only one left, she had found us and decided to send her baby to us in an attempt to save her life." Kathryn stroked the tiny girls cheek.

The doctor stared at his captain momentarily, "are you going to take her?" he asked

Kathryn looked down then back up at the doctor, "I don't know," she whispered "the letter was very specific though, the woman wants me to take her, to give her a home. I don't know if I could." Kathryn's heart felt heavy.

"Why?" the doctor asked.

Kathryn searched for an answer to give to him, one besides the truth, she didn't want to bring up her past, or at least not at that point in time. "I' don't know" she said, "maybe I'm just a little unsure, after all this was something unexpected."

The doctor smiled taking her words for the truth and not questioning her. The baby started to cry Kathryn automatically reached for her. The doctor relinquished the infant into Kathryn's arms. Instinct took over, Kathryn held the baby in her arms cradling her to her chest, she slowly and softly sang, "hush little baby don't say a word mama's goanna bye you a mocking bird, and if that mocking bird don't sing, momma's goanna bye you a diamond ring, and if that demand ring turns to glass momma's goanna bye you a…." the baby drifted back to sleep before the song was over. Kathryn smiled at the baby. Before gently placing her back into the incubator. The doctor watched his captain, she was so good with the baby; it was almost second nature to her; much like commanding voyager was.

"Captain, if I can say a few things," the doctor said.

Kathryn glanced up at him, for a moment "yes doctor what is it?" she said her words kind and warm.

"Perhaps you should take the infant. After all she was left to you, and you are so good with her, you seem to know exactly what she needs." The doctor regarded his captain fondly. Kathryn turned to look at the baby once more closing her eyes tight, trying not to cry again, after a few seconds, the doctor became worried at her silence. "Captain," he said stepping closer to her. Kathryn took another deep breath before responding,

"I'll have to think about it," she told him "after all this is a very sudden thing, I don't know if I am ready to make such a large decision, I will talk with the senior staff today, and get their input, see what they have to say before I make a decision, that will not only affect me but her as well." She motioned toward the sleeping child.

"All right captain," the doctor smiled, he was sure that she would wind up taking her home with her soon enough. Kathryn took one last long look at the little girl before making her way to the bridge; she hadn't realized that she had been in sickbay so long.

On the bridge the entire senior staff, with the exception of the captain were already at their posts, all eyes turned toward the lift as Kathryn exited. Tom with a large smirk declared, "running a bit late are we captain?" Kathryn shoot a glace toward him that made Tom back down instantaneously. The exchange did not go unnoticed by Chakotay. Kathryn took her seat next to him; her body remained somewhat rigid. Chakotay leaned in close to her risking his life and limb. "Kathryn," he whispered intentionally using her name not her title, "is their something you need to talk about?" Kathryn stiffened even more, she glared toward Chakotay "no," she firmly stated silently so the rest of the bridge crew would not hear.

Chakotay pushed her a bit farther, but soon regretted it. Kathryn pushed herself up out of her chair, and excused herself. She handed the bridge over to Chakotay and hastily retreated to her ready room. But not before reminding the rest of the bridge about the staff meeting in two hours.

Once inside she sank back resting on the wall, slowly lowering herself to the floor. She was angry now, at the whole situation, at Chakotay who wouldn't leave her alone and at the alien women that caused so many things to come back to her and at the baby the baby that was given to her, why her, their were a number of other women on the ship, way had the woman chosen her? Kathryn curled her knees to her chest once for the second time that day, resting her head on her arms she forced herself to try to think clearly. Her emotions were getting the better of her; she could not allow that to happen. She thought long and heard about some of the techniques that Tuvok had shown her. After sitting for what seemed like an eternity she managed to calm herself down. She took a deep breath, she was no longer angry; Chakotay was just trying to be nice and help. The woman probably chose her because she was the captain, and the baby was not at fault, how could she be. Kathryn then realized part of the reason she had become angry was that she had fallen for the child. It reminded her so much of.

The chime sounded, Kathryn hurriedly pulled herself up off the ground, wincing as pain ran through her back. 'I'm getting to old for sitting like that' she thought. She quickly moved over to her desk and sat down grabbing the nearest data padd. "Come in," she called keeping her voice steady. The captains mask was now firmly in place.

Chakotay appeared at the door. Took a few steps forward so the door could close. "Kathryn," he spoke

She looked up from the padd, "Yes commander?" she inquired emphasizing his title. Letting him know that she was not in the mood to talk about any thing.

"Kathryn," he stated again, choosing to ignore the use of his title. "What's wrong, you nearly took Tom's head off this morning, and…"

Kathryn put her hand up to silence him, she could tell where this was going. She sighed then spoke "Chakotay," she used his name this time, in hopes that it would help to diffuse the situation, "I know, and I'm sorry, it's just every thing is a little hectic right now. Do you know what that padd said?" she then inquired remembering that he had not had a chance to read it.

"Yes," Chakotay stated, "after you left B'Elanna showed me a copy"

She smiled, but it did not reach her eyes, "then you know how big of a decision I have to make, I just don't know if I can."

Chakotay cut her off; he crossed the space that separated them. Kneeling down next to her so he could look her in the eye he stated, "Kathryn, I'm sure this is a very hard decision to make, but I know you can do it. You are the strongest person I know, and I saw how you were looking at her yesterday, I know that you have already fallen in love with her. Besides you'll have me to help you, and honestly how much damage could one little girl do?" Chakotay pulled her into his arms; she stiffened a bit but then relaxed into his embrace. As they hugged Kathryn thought 'If only you knew Chakotay'

Chakotay released her form his embrace, remembering the original reason that he had come in, "Kathryn" he pushed a few stray tresses from her face, "I think we had better go to the meeting that you called," he joked slightly. Kathryn's face changed had it been two hours already? She stood up, and hugged Chakotay one last time, a silent thank you, before the two of them headed off to the briefing room.


	5. Name Sake

And Her Hair All Done Up In Curls

Chapter 4  
Name Sake

Rating G: so far

Summery: Kathryn is being plagued by a series of nightmares. What could they be about?

Disclaimer: All is owned by paramount, unless never mentioned on the show. I have just decided that I could take the voyager crew (Kathryn and Chakotay) where paramount would never have. I am not making any money, just doing it 'cuse I wanna.

In the briefing room Kathryn took her seat, she had called the meeting to decide exactly what she should do with the young infant that had been dropped at her doorstep so to speak. Kathryn began by filling in the few members of her crew that did not know the whole story behind the child. After that she proceeded to discuss the letter that had been addressed to her, she managed to keep herself form braking down, she inquired as to what the crew thought. Everyone unanimously voted for her to take the infant; Kathryn was nearly convinced that she had a conspiracy on her hands. The explanations were all nearly the same. The crew felt that their captain was more then capable of taking care of the child as well as voyager. Kathryn had promised the doctor that she would make the decision after she talked with the crew. After a long debate in her head she finally gave in. for a brief moment after she had made the final decision she wondered if history had repeated its self. Toward the end of the meeting the captain said, "Ok now that we know who will take care of our new crew member," Kathryn smiled slightly, "we now have to name her, we very well can't just keep calling her THE BABY now can we," the crew all laughed, through out the meeting the captain's mood had been lifted up. What had started out as a rotten day slowly became brighter, as Kathryn was reassured by her crew. "So does anyone have any suggestions on a good name?"

Several names were thrown out onto the table before Chakotay, who had been quiet through the course of the meeting said, "How about we name her, Sidra-Makana?"

"Chakotay," Kathryn questioned not caring if the crew herd her say his name.

"It means Star Born Gift," Chakotay stated. The whole crew smiled at the meaning of this name.

"It's beautiful," Kathryn said. She took a look around the table at all the faces of her crew. Their faces all saying the same thing, that the name was perfect. Kathryn then whispered softly "Sidra-Makana it is." All the faces in the room with the exception of Tuvok, of course, erupted into huge smiles. The doctor then requested that she and the rest of the crew stay where they were, he left the briefing room leaving everyone wondering what he was up to. While the doctor was gone the crew meandered and talked about the baby. When the door sounded the room went quite, all eyes were on the doctor. He held the baby in his arms and slowly walked toward the captain. He the spoke softly "Captain, I wish to be the first to congratulate you," Kathryn was speechless, "Congratulations Captain you are the proud mother of a beautiful healthy baby girl." He handed her the infant, as the rest of the crew broke into a cheer. Kathryn momentarily forgot about the past, and all that had bothered her prior to that moment. She was happy, no not just happy overwhelmed with joy and delight. The senior staff took their turns coming up to see the child. Tom made a wise crack about her looking like the captain. The whole room including Kathryn erupted into laughter. Chakotay was pleased, what had been bothering Kathryn had somehow melted away, and for that he was pleased.

After the short celebration the doctor took the newly name Sidra back to sickbay. He wanted to keep her in there until her weight increased some. Kathryn understood, she was well under weight for a child of her age in any species. After the doctor left Kathryn dismissed the crew back to their stations. Instead of heading back into her ready room she took her seat next to Chakotay. She ordered the ship to set a course back to the Alpha Quadrant and away form the planet that had given her a very precious gift.

After her shift Kathryn swung by sickbay to check on her new charge. The doctor was pleased that she had come by. Sidra was crying loudly. Kathryn went over to her and scooped her up into her arms. She quieted down almost immediately. The doctor smiled, "I guess it just takes a mothers touch." The doctor teased. He had been trying to quiet Sidra for the last half hour, he was a little jealous that Kathryn had managed to quiet her down so quickly. "I had been trying everything to calm her down, she just wouldn't"

"You weren't doing it right doctor," Kathryn teased, "babies like to be held just right, isn't that right Sidra." Kathryn said looking at her new baby, running her finger down the length of her ridge. Giggling as Sidra crinkled her tiny nose.

"Well some times _Mom_ is the only one that can calm a baby," the doctor stated, trying to preserve some of his pride. Kathryn looked up and smiled taking the doctors commit for what it was worth. After a few more minuets of hold Sidra Kathryn went to lay her back into her incubator. No sooner did she set her down the tears came back. Kathryn looked at the doctor shrugged then scooped her back up in her arms, once again her crying stopped. Kathryn was now trying to figure out how she was going to eat, she had promised B'Elanna, Tom, and Chakotay that she would meet them in the mess hall for dinner, but the only thing that kept her new baby from crying was she.

"Doctor?" Kathryn asked, "Would it be ok if I took her to the mess hall? I promised B'Elanna, Tom and Chakotay that I would have dinner with them, but if I set her down she'll cry," Kathryn had an exasperated look on her face.

"You certainly may captain," He reassured her "I just want her back in here for the night ok,"

"Sure doctor, and thank you." Kathryn said, at least the doctor would get an hour or so of quiet. She was about to leave when the doctor stopped her.

"Here you might want this just incase," he handed her a small bag that contained a few dippers and bottles, as well as a blanket and burp cloth. Kathryn had to laugh the doctor had planned on her coming and taking Sidra the entire time.

"Thank you," she beamed at him. With that she was gone.

In the mess hall B'Elanna, Tom and Chakotay waited for Kathryn. They had turned the lights off and every one in the room hid them selves behind tables and chairs. They had planned with the doctor, via data padds, to have Kathryn bring the baby with her. Neelix and Harry cooked up a special meal as Chakotay, the ringleader, collected the crewmembers that were all ready in the mess hall. They explained their plan to them, and now all they had to do was wait.

As Kathryn walked down the corridor, holding Sidra she hummed softly, Sidra was very tiny and was nearly swallowed by her blanket. Her Ice blue eyes gazed into Kathryn's, Chakotay was right she had fallen head over heels for this child, the child she had never imaged her ever having. She stopped and waited for the lift, Sidra made slight gargling sounds. Kathryn wiped Sidra's mouth as the lift's doors opened. She took her precious bundle into the lift and ordered it to take her to the mess hall. As the doors closed she felt the lift commence it's journey. The ride seemed very short; Kathryn was still lost in the euphoria that had taken over her in the staff meeting that morning. Kathryn strolled the small distance from the lift to the mess hall when she walked past the doors she stopped the room was pitch black. "Neelix" she called out.

No sooner did she call Neelix's name did the lights flash on, and a chorus ring "SURPRISE" the entire room shouted, startling the baby. Sidra started to cry but Kathryn soothed her quickly.

"Congratulation's Captain, Neelix said exuberantly, coming up to hug her and greet the baby. Kathryn looked around the room, a large banner stretched across the room, it read, _Congratulations Captain, and Welcome aboard Sidra-Makana Janeway!_

Kathryn's mouth dropped, so this is why they were so present that I join them for dinner, she thought, She smiled with the sudden knowledge as to why the doctor had been so open to her taking Sidra.

Chakotay walked up to Kathryn, "So what do you think?"

"You did this," she whispered lost in his eyes.

He nodded "yes" his voice was soft and warm.

She looked around the room; every one was watching her, waiting for something. Kathryn came to the realization as to what they were waiting for, and before she could back out it happened, Chakotay's lips descended onto hers, she stiffened and tried to move away, but her body willed her to stay. The room erupted into a chorus of wolf whistles, hoots, howls, and cheers. Kathryn relaxed into his kiss, opening her mouth to his explorations, when the kiss finally ended she felt like all her energy had been drained, her head was spinning, and she was week in the knees, she actually saw stars.

He stepped back slightly, to look at her, her eyes remained closed for a instant before opening and staring him straight in the eye, her face was unreadable, and for a moment no one in the room was sure how she would react. The room was quite, so quiet that the hum of the warp engines seemed to resonate through everyone, Kathryn slowly stepped forward, eyes gazing deeply into Chakotay's, she crossed the very small distance between her and Chakotay, she raised her had up slowly, and wrapped it around his neck, pulling his head to hers. She pressed her lips to his, in a searing kiss. The room once again erupted. The crew was thankful that she did not push Chakotay away. When they broke a second time they were lost in each other's eyes, oblivious to the entire room. They stood there unmoving.

Sidra had had enough; a loud howl emanated from her, breaking the trance Kathryn had found her-self in. The room laughed and Kathryn tried to sooth the child. She sat down, and pulled out a bottle, Neelix brought out the on trays, and the celebration continued, the moment now passed.

Kathryn brought Sidra back to sickbay, after the party. When Kathryn put her down, she put up little fuss. Kathryn knew she was probably worn out by the celebration; she and her had unknowingly attended, Kathryn kissed her good night, turned to the doctor and thanked him for taking care of her, then left. She leisurely strolled down the corridor, and into her quarters, she pulled her uniform off, pulled her nightgown over her and fell into bed, that night only pleasant dreams came.

When Kathryn awoke, she nearly hoped out of bed, she was giddy, positively, giddy. She was unsure as to why, if it was the fact that she was a mother, or that Chakotay had forced her to admit her feelings, she wasn't sure. Kathryn danced into the bathroom, hoped into the shower, and then into her uniform. She then ordered breakfast, something that she hadn't done for, gosh, who knows. She finished her meal and headed to sickbay, to check on her baby. She enthusiastically greeted crewmembers she passed in the hall.

Upon arriving in sickbay, she heard the doctors singing voice, as well and rather noisy cries. Kathryn laughed, and took her screaming child from the doctor. Tucking her closer to her body, Kathryn joined the doctor in his song, "you'll never know dear how much I love you Please don't take my sunshine away." Sidra soon quieted down. Kathryn couldn't help herself she was in such a good mood that she had to stick one to the doctor. "See doctor, I told you, you weren't doing it right."

At her remark the doctor scowled a little, but didn't take it personally, he knew she was only joking, and was glad to see her in such a good mood.

Kathryn went to the replicator and got a bottle of the supplement the doctor had programmed, she then sat herself down on a bio bed and fed her. After her feeding, Sidra fell asleep, and Kathryn headed off to the bridge. She was late again, and Tom committed, Kathryn let it slide, this time. Chakotay could tell that it was going to be a fabulous day.


	6. Fuss and Tire

And Her Hair All Done Up In Curls

Chapter 5  
Fuss and Tire

Rating G: so far

Summery: Kathryn is being plagued by a series of nightmares. What could they be about?

Disclaimer: All is owned by paramount, unless never mentioned on the show. I have just decided that I could take the voyager crew (Kathryn and Chakotay) where paramount would never have. I am not making any money, just doing it 'cuse I wanna.

Kathryn strolled down the hall toward sickbay, she was excited but also dreaded what was coming. It was now real; Sidra was _hers_. It had been just over a week since she had finally made the decision to actually keep her, however it didn't seem real until now. The doctor had called her that morning, and told her that Sidra was ready to be taken home.

Kathryn was ready to take her home, or at least she thought she was. Over the last week she had all of the necessities replicated, a crib, high chair, bottles, stuffed animals, bathing supplies, dippers, and clothes. She also had come home to several gifts, outside of her door. She soon found herself with every thing she needed, except a rocking chair. She was going to replicate one until, yesterday.

Kathryn had had a long shift, and hadn't slept well the night before, due to dreams. She had thought they were over but was mistaken. The whole situation surrounding Sidra had stirred up bittersweet memories, they hunted her in her sleep. That night she just wanted to take a long hot bath, and then try to get some sleep. when she rounded the corner in the corridor that led to her quarters, a shadow disappeared behind her door. She ran to see who had violated her home. She quickly and silently keyed open the door and slipped in, who ever it was, was in her sleeping area. She reached for her phaser and set it for stun, not knowing who was in there. She slowly moved her way across her living room, accidentally bumping into her coffee table. She then heard the sound of a transport, quickly, she ran into her sleeping area in hopes of catching a glimpse of the intruder. Instead of finding anyone, she saw a rocking chair in the corner. Her mouth dropped open, she crept over to it and kneeled down. She ran her hand across the seat and bars whoever had left it had hand carved it. As she examined the chair, she felt a few bumps on the back of the top; looking closely Kathryn discovered words carved into it. The chair read…

_Many days will pass,_

_And nights will zoom._

_And before you know,_

_Only memories will loom._

_A Child must grow,_

_And a mother must let go._

_But in this chair_

_Love is all they'll ever know_

Kathryn's eyes filled with tears, the poem was beautiful, and so true. She knew right away who gave this gift. It had the same look is her bathtub that Chakotay had carved for her, on New Earth. She could feel the love that flowed through the wood, just like then.

Kathryn finally rounded the final corner to sickbay and brought herself back to the present. She was ready materially, to take Sidra home, but now her stomach was in knots. She cautiously crossed the threshold of sickbay, now she could not go back.

The doctor smiled when he saw Kathryn. "Good, I'm glade you're here, she is all fed changed and ready to go Captain." Came the doctors overly excited announcement.

"Thank you doctor," Kathryn smiled as warmly as she could. She had been excited, but now she just wanted to run away, but she knew she couldn't. She had agreed to take her, for what ever reason, she did not know. Kathryn gently lifted her daughter into her arms. Sidra cooed softly at being held by her mother. "You ready to go home" she whispered to Sidra.

"Captain now I must tell you a little bit about basic care…"

Kathryn raised her had and stopped the doctor. "Please Doctor I've done this before I know a lot more about infant care then most people think, now I'm going to take Sidra home and try to get some sleep while she is still sleepy." Kathryn made a hurried retreat, leaving the doctor baffled by her comment.

In her quarters Kathryn placed Sidra down on the soft blanket that lay in her new crib. She was already asleep and Kathryn planed to keep it that way. She quietly made her way across her living room toward her sleeping area. She'd had B'Elanna set up a small cubical like room for Sidra so that as she grew she would have her on room. It was in the far corner of her living room and cut the size down by about one third. Kathryn didn't mind she knew that it would be easer to clean as Sidra grew. Kathryn passed her bed then entered her bathroom; she pulled off her uniform and drew a bath. She gently stepped into the warm water smiling at the sensation and lowered herself into it and closed her eyes relaxing. She figured that it might be the last time she would be able to relax in the tub for a long time. Taking her time, Kathryn washed herself, fragrances of roses and other wild flowers wafted through the air. When the water grew cool Kathryn reluctantly pulled herself from the tub, she wrapped a towel around her form then her hair. She then entered her sleeping area and donned her satin nightgown. She finished drying her hair and checked on Sidra before sliding between her sheets. She was exhausted and fell asleep quickly.

… A young auburn haired girl of eighteen sat in a huge tree, studying intensely. She had a mammoth exam in three days, which would determine if she would be accepted into Star Fleet Academy. She hummed softly as she clicked the keys of the padd she held. When she finished reading it contents she rested her head on the tree she sat in. A gentle breeze blew through the air and tousled her long hair. Closing her eyes, she unwound. She loved coming to this tree. It was her refuge, a place to go and get away, from every thing, a place where she was free to think and study. A sound broke her trance. She looked around but could only see cornfields, nothing that could have made any noise. The sound became more prominent it was crying. She quickly claimed down her tree in search of who was crying. As her feet hit the ground it became more defined, she was able to determine that it was the sound of a baby. She walked around the base of the tree the crying became louder…

Kathryn opened her eyes, realizing that the crying wasn't just in her mind but coming from the other room. "Computer time?" she inquired.

"The time is 0200 hours," the stale voice replied. Kathryn smirked, 'two o'clock feedings' she thought. She quickly got out of bed and crossed the spans of her quarters. She picked up Sidra and talked to her softly as she walked to the replicator. She ordered a bottle, and made her way to the rocking chair. As she rocked and fed Sidra she sung softly, Kathryn sung the song that her mother use-to sing to her. After Kathryn fed, burped, and changed her Sidra drifted back to sleep. Kathryn returned her to her crib and tried to go back to sleep only to toss and turn. When her alarm sounded Kathryn dragged herself out of bed. She got dressed, and then retrieved Sidra from her crib. She dressed her in a purple sweater and matching hat. She replicated several extra bottles, and packed a small dipper bag. Before heading to the bridge, Kathryn dropped Sidra off with Ensign Wildman, who had agreed to look after her while she was on duty, at least until they came up with a better plan.

When she arrived on the bridge she all but fell into her seat. She was exhausted from being up at two that morning. Her actions didn't go unnoticed. Chakotay who had already been seated leaned over to her. "Up all night with the baby?" he asked.

Kathryn sighed, "she woke up at two, and then I couldn't go back to sleep. I mean I've heard of two o'clock feedings, but she takes that literally." Kathryn joked as best she could.

Smiling Chakotay said "Don't worry it will get better."

"I know," Kathryn gave a halfhearted smile. She then leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes for a brief moment.

…"Momma, a frantic voice called out, echoing through the large house. "Momma come here, I need you."

"Kathryn there's no need to shout now what is it that…" A tall brunette woman said coming through a large door that led to the kitchen. Her words cut short. "Where on earth did you…"

"I don't know where she came from, I was studying for the entrance exam when I heard her crying, She's cold and hungry Momma."

"Ok I'll call Starfleet head quarters and you go and replicate a bottle, and wrap her in a blanket." Gretchen Janeway instructed. Kathryn nodded and made her way across the oversized living room and through the door her mother had just passed through…

Kathryn startled awake. Chakotay had his hand on her arm. "Kathryn, hey you ok?"

She quickly looked around and blushed realizing that she had fallen asleep.

"I'm fine Chakotay, I must be more tired then I thought," she looked down still embarrassed.

"A Captain?" Tom questioned

"Yes tom?" Kathryn glanced sideways at him.

"Perhaps you should, take a nap? It might help, I remember when my cousin was a baby nobody got any sleep in that house."

"Thank you tom but I can't be going and taking a "nap" while I'm on duty. I think that I'll jus replicate some coffee. I haven't had any yet today."

Tom couldn't help but smirk. "Well that explains a lot." He retorted.

Kathryn only shot him a look, to tired to do much more. The rest of the crew grinned at the fact that Tom was able to get a way with the protocol breach. Kathryn then made her way to the replicator and ordered a super espresso; she was going to need it. Kathryn made her way back to her seat. Letting the coffee warm her hands. She slowly sipped it down and soon found that she started to feel more awake. The rest of the shift went smoothly, they had discover another planet that looked promising, and she had Tom set a curse toward it. After the shift was over she headed to Samantha's quarters. She picked up Sidra only to find out that she was in a fussy mood much to Kathryn's dismay. She decided that maybe a trip to the holodeck might help to calm her down she picked a beach scenario. After a half hour of walking up and down the beach Sidra didn't calm down. Kathryn was starting to get hungry and left the holodeck. As much as she wanted to just replicate a meal in her quarters she couldn't. She had used all but a few of her ration's replicating things for Sidra. She headed toward the mess hall, stroking and patting her fussy child.

When she entered the mess hall, it was very busy. It seemed that everyone was eating in there. Kathryn grinned a little; she realized by how many things she'd received, that everyone was low on rations as well. There were no empty seats, but Kathryn discovered, Chakotay, Harry, B'Elanna, and Tom sitting at a table in the back. B'Elanna waved for her to join them. Kathryn navigated her way through the room, Sidra fussing the whole time. When she arrived at the table she was greeted by smiling face. B'Elanna reached her arms out and hinted for Kathryn to had the infant over to her. Kathryn quickly and graciously accepted the offer and handed her to B'Elanna. Kathryn then slumped into her chair. Chakotay excused himself the returned minutes later with a tray for Kathryn. She smiled and accepted it. She was starving and was to tired to question what she was eating. Kathryn was happy to see that B'Elanna had some how managed to get her baby to fall asleep. She finished her meal and decided to heed back to her quarters for sleep. It was still early and she figured it was the best time to try. B'Elanna see how tired the captain was offered to walk her and the baby back to Kathryn's quarters. Kathryn agreed thankful that she wasn't going to have to risk waking Sidra up by playing pass the baby.

In Kathryn's quarters B'Elanna laid Sidra in her crib. She patted Kathryn on the shoulder reassuringly then excused herself, so that Kathryn could get some sleep, while the baby was sleeping. After B'Elanna left Kathryn fell into her bed, to tired to even worry about removing her uniform. That night no dreams came.


	7. The Truth Revealed

And Her Hair All Done Up In Curls

Chapter 6  
The Truth Revealed

Rating G: so far

Summery: Kathryn is being plagued by a series of nightmares. What could they be about?

Disclaimer: All is owned by paramount, unless never mentioned one the show. I have just decided that I could take the voyager crew (Kathryn and Chakotay) where paramount would never have. I am not making any money, just doing it 'cuse I wanna.

"_Hush little baby don't say a word, Momma's goanna bye you a mocking bird. And if that Mocking bird don't sing Mommas goanna bye you a…"_

The sound drifted through her memory and hung like a phantom. Kathryn jolted up in bed, the memories from her dream colliding with her now conscious mind. She slowly climbed out of her bed still shaking from her dream. It had happened so long ago, it seemed, yet she was still plagued with the memories and the dreams, the dreams that would never leave her. It had been almost three years since she had, had the last one, or at least it had been until four weeks ago. Kathryn glanced around her empty quarters, she sighed, ran her hands over her face then slowly walked into her bathroom. "Computer time?"

"The time is 0300 hours," came the computers stale undeviating voice. Kathryn took a good long look at her-self in the mirror, "Well Kathryn," she told her reflection, "Today is going to be a long day."

Kathryn drew herself a hot bath, thankful for some time alone. Chakotay had offered to take Sidra, at the party the night before. B'Elanna decided to through a small get together, over at her and tom's place. It was a good distraction, but she was exhausted. Chakotay took notice and asked to take the baby. B'Elanna thought that it was a wonderful idea and so did Tom. She agreed. When the party ended Chakotay walked her back and got the few necessities that Sidra would need, and kissed her goodnight. Kathryn tried to fall asleep but tossed and turned until twelve thirty. And now she was awake. She sighed as the warm water enveloped her body. After her bath Kathryn tired to go back to bed, hoping that the warm water would work, but it didn't.

At about 600 hours, she got up and made herself breakfast, but only touched the coffee. She then proceeded to get dressed. She slipped her uniform on, it was very loose, and she realized she had grabbed her old one. She removed it and then proceeded to grab the one she had replicated three days earlier. After putting on her make up, she went for a walk around the ship before heading to the bridge. She was very tired.

When she arrived on the bridge, Tom made a witty remark abut her being a little late, she snapped at him. She asked Chakotay how Sidra was, and then retired to her ready room. Just wanting to be left alone.

Chakotay made a note on how Kathryn looked, He was more then happy to take Sidra last night. He smiled; Sidra was a very scheduled infant. She had woken up exactly at the time Kathryn had said she would. But he was concerned, he had dropped Kathryn off early, but she still appeared not to have gotten much sleep. Chakotay shrugged the feeling off and when about his business. How ever he planed on stopping by her ready room, to check up on her.

A few hours later Kathryn sat at her desk reading a data padd, trying to concentrate but unable to. For the last four weeks she'd been hunted by memories, and dreams, she also was trying to parent a very young infant, in witch had triggered the dreams. Sighing she lifted a stemming cup of espresso to her lips, taking in the warm liquid, trying to figure out what she'd do if there were no coffee. As she sipped from her lifeline her eyes fell upon the half eaten cheese sandwich she had replicated that morning. Sighing again she placed her cup down next to the padd and lifted the plate. She crossed the room and deposited it in the replicatetor. She the sat back down at her desk but instead of picking the padd up, she opened the upper left hand drawer of her desk and lifted a small photograph out. A solitary tear ran down the length of her cheek, as she traced the image of a young girls face. The young girl's flame hair, and ice eyes starred back at her, the child's face bright and jovial.

The chime sounded causing Kathryn to jump, setting the photo on the desk quickly, she called "come in" her voice very shaky. She clumsily picked the padd up. A form appeared in the doorway, before taking a few steps in so the door could close. Kathryn looked up, "Yes, Chakotay?" Her voice betrayed her. Chakotay took notice but did not confront her, as of late it was normal to see Kathryn looking like she'd been crying. Besides he'd asked her about it on many occasions, but she always seemed to change the subject.

"I just wanted to bring the tactical report by." As he reached out his hand to give her the padd his eyes fell upon the photograph. When Kathryn looked up and reached her hand out to take the padd, she noticed that his were not looking in her direction, she fallowed his gaze down to the lonely photograph resting on her desk. On instinct she snatched it up from view, clinching it protectively, as if she were scared he would destroy it. Being taken a back by her reaction, Chakotay cautiously asked, "Who is she Kathryn,"

Being stunned by his voice she formulated an answer not thinking, "She's just a friend." she was still clutching the photograph closely to her chest.

Not being fooled Chakotay said, "Kathryn you're lying to me, she isn't just a friend, she's more then that, who is she."

Getting considerably madder she retorted, "Chakotay she's no one of concern to you"

"Kathryn what's wrong, you haven't been yourself for the last four weeks, and every time I ask you about something you change the subject, I won't let you do that not this time."

"I'm sorry commander but I have a lot of work to do, so if you don't mind I'm going to get back to it." She then shifted her eyes back to the padd, and Chakotay realizing what she was doing snatched it from her. "How dare you," she hissed, glaring at him fiercely.

"You're not going to change the subject again, I asked you a question, and you ignored it, just like you always do. I'm frankly getting tired of it."

Kathryn glared even more fiercely at his words, she stood up and walked over to him, her body ridged. She looked directly into his eyes, her eyes burning, "leave" her voice was menacing. She then snatched the padd back, and walked over to her couch and sat down, looking out at the stars. After a few moments of staring out into space, and not hearing the sound of the door she looked back toward her desk, where Chakotay was still standing. "I said Leave."

"No, Kathryn, I'm going to stay right hear until you answer my question."

Kathryn took a good long look at him, determining that he wasn't going to leave she said, "Fine if you won't leave then I will," she stood and headed to the door.

"Computer, engage quarantine lock, Beta G 4."

"_Quarantine lock engaged,"_ Came the computers still voice.

Kathryn stopped and pivoted slowly around to face Chakotay, lighting flashed in her eyes. _'How dare he'_ she thought, '_this is my ready room and he has no right to…'_

Her thoughts were interrupted when Chakotay spoke. "Kathryn nether one of us is leaving until you tell me who she is and what has been bothering you."

She was now beyond pissed, "Fine," she scaled "then we will be in her a good long time, and when we finally get out of here you will have a good long time to think about how stupid this move was, in the brig." She walked over to her couch her body stiff and ridged. She sat her self slowly down, and looked out of the view port. Refusing to look at him. She heard him sit down in the chair in front of her desk. She would not give in; he had no business asking her questions like that, or for holding her captive. She would Call Tuvok in but she knew that that in its self would open an entire new can of worms, and she most defiantly did not want that to happen.

Chakotay watched her from his seat in front of her desk. She was pissed and he knew it. But he was concerned. He had noticed her loose weight, he was guessing any where from five to fifteen pounds. He also knew that she wasn't sleeping well, due to the baby, but he took Sidra last night, and she still came to the bridge looking just as exhausted. Chakotay sighed, she was keeping something from him and he did not like that idea. And to make him even more worried about her, she was sad all the time. Chakotay sighed once more and closed his eyes, to meditate. Knowing that it would take a good long time to wear Kathryn down.

After about an hour Kathryn looked back in the direction of Chakotay, he still had his eyes closed, She concentrated on him. He was serious; she wasn't going to be getting out of here with out talking to him. Her brow was set as she glared at him, 'how could he just sit there,' she thought. It was annoying her, he was so calm abut it, and that made her even madder. She bent on not letting him win; she turned her head back toward the view port, resting her chin on her arms. She healed her stance, like a wounded puppy.

Chakotay heard her rustling; he decided to bait her a little more by keeping his eyes closed. He knew that she would give into him in due time. She was just angry, and hurt. He knew that if she talked about it she'd feel better, and he could help her move past what was bothering her. After a few after the rustling stopped he opened his eyes to look at her. He watched as her back lifted up then down, as she sighed. He smiled to himself. _'It's working'_ he thought as he shut his eyes once more.

Another hour past, and Kathryn had calmed down and begin to think. _'This is so stupid'_ she thought to herself. She looked back toward Chakotay, _'He's still meditating' _She drew her legs in close to her, wrapping her arms around them and setting her chin in to the valley it created. Her eyes shifted up to look at him. "Her name's Edana" Kathryn's voice was timid and soft.

Chakotay's eyes fluttered open, slightly shocked; he hadn't expected her to talk. Let alone sound the way she did. His heart sank, when his eyes fixated on her. She looked very tiny, meek and breakable, so unlike what he was use to seeing, he could see tears building in her eyes. He stood and slowly crossed the space between them; he sat down on the couch next to her, and pulled her into his lap. She didn't resist at all, instead she wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her head on is shoulder. At once the tears spilled over. Chakotay rocked her back and forth gently, stroking her back, and whispering comforting words to her. After some time, her tears stopped. She continued to let him hold her, feeling safe for the first time in years. After a few minuets, Chakotay spoke, "do you want to talk Kathryn." His voice was a whisper, and as he spoke he gently stroked her hair.

He felt her nod then push back a little. He relinquished his hold, and she slid down next to him. She looked down at her hands then into his face. She spoke calmly, her voice horse. "I lied, she is more then a friend, much more." Chakotay nodded, and she continued. "She's my daughter"

Chakotay was somewhat shocked; he didn't know that she had ever been pregnant. "I didn't know you had ever had a child"

Kathryn took a deep breath and continued, "She isn't my biological daughter. I adopted her when I was 18 just before starting at the academy."

"You, must lover her very much, and miss her a grate deal." Chakotay smiled slightly to reassure her, " I'd love to meat her." At his words Kathryn felt the tears threaten to come back. She closed her eyes tightly to push them away. Chakotay became worried. "Kathryn?"

She took a deep breath, "you can't meet her," the tears begin to stream down her cheeks, "She.. died," she had to stop briefly and try to regain her composure. "She died when she was seven." She managed to say between sobs. Chakotay pulled her in close once more.

"O Kathryn, I'm so sorry" He stroked her back again, trying to consolidate her, again. After another crying session, she was able to compose herself enough to tell Chakotay, the story of her little girl…


	8. The Past Relived

And Her Hair All Done Up In Curls

Chapter 7  
The Past Relived

Rating Pg 13:

Summery: Kathryn is being plagued by a series of nightmares. What could they be about?

Disclaimer: All is owned by paramount, unless never mentioned one the show. I have just decided that I could take the voyager crew (Kathryn and Chakotay) where paramount would never have. I am not making any money, just doing it 'cuse I wanna.

"So you just found a baby laying at the base of a tree?" Chakotay asked slightly stunned.

"Yes," Kathryn stated, "It's not any stranger then finding an alien baby under a bush, on an uninhabited planet, in the middle of the delta quadrant. Besides the authorities said that who ever left her there probably saw me and put her there knowing that I would see her, and believe me she wasn't there when I started to study, I was in that tree for hours."

"Ok, go on, you'd been studding and found a baby, you hurried home and told your mom, what happened from there?" Chakotay was very curious; he had walked into her ready room about two hours ago and saw a photograph of a small girl. He confronted Kathryn and started an argument. Which ended in a stare down, so to speak, she gave in and started telling him the whole story, only after a series of crying secessions.

Kathryn looked at Chakotay; she had calmed down, and was able to talk to him with out crying. Besides she was all out of tears. "Well, Momma called Starfleet head quarters, while I fed her, and got some more blankets, it was a cool day. They came out and questioned me, I told them every thing I knew. They checked over the baby, she was healthy, they asked if Momma and I could take care of her, the foster care facilities were full, because of a disaster that left many kids homeless; Momma had been thinking of being a foster parent and had already submitted the paperwork. So they decided to just let us take the baby being Momma was nearly an official foster parent, as they put it. I can tell you dad was sure surprised when he came home from work. He and Momma had been thinking about it, he didn't know that it would happen so soon." Kathryn smiled at her joke, Chakotay smiled as well. He nodded for her to continue. "After a couple months and no trace of anyone she could have belong to, the authorities put her up for adoption.

I had fallen in love with her. I also was the one that took care of her. See at the time our house didn't have the extra room, and Momma asked me if I could let her stay in my room with me, I quickly agreed. You know me and kids right."

"Yeah, I remember when Naomi was born, for the first week I wondered if poor Samantha would ever be left alone." Chakotay laughed a little, and so did she. "Ok go on,"

"So being I had her, I was the one for all of the late night feeding, and so on. When it came time to give her up I didn't want to. I think I cried and pleaded for them no to take her away from me. After a competency hearing to see if I was mature enough and could provide her with a decent home, like I had already been doing, they let me adopt her. Also I think it helped that my father was an admiral. We had a few connections…"

"…She was a very bright child, and loved to read, but her favorite thing was skating. In the wintertime, we would visit a pond in California, I can't remember the name but we loved going there, the Ice was always very pleasant. I taught her how to skate when she was three. Edana was so thrilled about it that I enrolled her into skating classes." Kathryn looked at Chakotay. He smiled at her gently. "She won so many trophies, and when she was seven she was one of the youngest to compete in Star Fleets, young Skaters tournament. I remember her coach telling me that most children aren't ready for it until they're ten, but Edana, was one of the best out there." Kathryn looked away smiling at the memory.

Chakotay let her bask in it for a little while, before asking, "so, how did she die?" His voice was soft and sympathetic.

Kathryn looked at him briefly, "She fell."

"Skating?"

"No, she fell from our tree. The one I found her under. It was just two days after her tournament, she was to be starting back at school that Monday, and she wanted to go and spend some time in the corn fields, before she had to go back. It was before dinner and I told her it was ok; I could remember doing the same thing." Kathryn's tears threatened to return as she spoke, Chakotay took notice and stroked her arm slightly. She took a deep breath before continuing. "About an hour later, my neighbor came running to the door, she told me that Edana was hurt. I'd been helping Momma in the Kitchen, and I dropped the bowl of corn bread batter and ran out, with my neighbor, as Momma called for help." Kathryn started crying but continued through the sobs. "She was laying at the base with the branch that had broken just above her. She was unconscious. They rushed her to the hospital, but there wasn't much they could do, she had hit her head hard, and suffered severe brain damage, we where told that she'd probably never wake up," Kathryn took a deep breath well closing her eyes trying to keep from braking down completely. "She was in a comma for three months, before" she swallowed hard, "before her tiny heart gave up." Kathryn lost the battle; she fell into Chakotay's arms. Chakotay just rocked her back and forth.

He held her for what seemed like ages after her crying stopped. She fell asleep in his arms exhausted from crying, and her lack of sleep. Chakotay quietly checked the time. Their shift would be over in just a few hours. He decided to let her sleep, figuring that she needed it. He picked her up and laid her on the couch. He then sat down on the floor next to her and took her hand into his. He rested his head next to hers. He to drifted off to sleep as well.

Abut an hour later he was a woken by Kathryn squeezing his had, she was muttering something unintelligible. The unclear words became clearer, and Chakotay could make out, "Edana wake up please, wake up." Chakotay's heart fell, as he realized why she was looking so tired, she was probably having nightmares on top of taking care of Sidra. Before he could wake her up, she startled her self-awake. She noticed Chakotay, "Oh Chakotay," she sighed out of breath. She looked down realizing that she still had his hand in a death grip. She let go "sorry, I"

"It's ok," she had started to look away but he caught her face in his hand, and turned her face to look at him. "Kathryn, have you been having nightmares?" she nodded. "How often?"

"Every time I go to sleep, I only can sleep a few hours at a time, now a days." Her eyes drifted away from him.

"Have you talked to the doctor?"

"No, I didn't want to have to tell him why."

"O Kathryn," he said, moving his hand around to her back to pull her into a hug. "You need to get help, Tuvok is the only one around here that can go with out sleep for any length of time. You need to take care of yourself."

"I know," she said, clutching on to him. "It'll be easer now, can you come with me to sick bay. I don't know if I can alone."

"Certainly," he nodded.

"Thank you" she whispered. "I think every thing will be ok now, I think I can face anything, with you by my side. The doctor, Sidra, the Delta Quadrant, But most of all my past; I can face everything from now on, with you by my side. I can do it with you." Then she hugged him even tighter.

The End


End file.
